When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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