I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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