Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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