Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
