one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
