So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
