Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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