You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
