I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
NoShamevember. You game?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
