Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
