Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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