I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My vagina just recognized that song.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
