I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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