I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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