dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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