Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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