My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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