pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
