He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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