My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
