it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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