Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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