GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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