We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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