literally had 100 drinks last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
