I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
