Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
