i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
