oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
