4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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