my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
