I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
