The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
