WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i barfeds in our rink
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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