shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
