You're my little dorito
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
