Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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