forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
