Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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