oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
