Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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