Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
