Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
