remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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