Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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