maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
