I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My vagina is officially offended.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
