It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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