when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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