So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
